On the level
I yelled, I just levelled that off! The
sharps sand on my patio I had recently levelled and on which I was going
to lay paving slabs had a large hole dug in the centre and a lot of
dug up and piled up bits around it.
Bibs was doing that wriggling thingy on her back like she was scratching
her herself. she stopped suddenly. swiftly spun round and said: you
talking to me?
Yeh, I said, Im taking to you. Look what you
did to my patio.
She looked at the square of ground and then at me. Wasnt
me, she said and began preening herself.
It was you, I saw you from the landing window.
Nope, she said continuing her preening, It was them
. no, jeez, I saw you, besides ants cant do THAT.
I said pointing.
Yeh, I think they were trying to make an anthill, or something
I know how ants make anthills and they cant do that in the
ten minutes I was gone.
She looked at me, they were big ants, big black ones, as big as
me, in fact, that's why you probably thought it was me, she said.
I was almost spitting fire at the idea of being gaslighted by a cat,
lies! Big Bibs Fibs, thats what they are
you learn to tell such huge porkies? I asked.
I watch BBC News, she said flatly. As she stood up and was
about to turn and walk away, she nodded towards my hand, whats
that youre drinking, big man?
I looked at the can I was holding, beer, its a Bitter and
och, phhht! Never mind what Im drinking, look what
you did to my patio!
Gary, my who-man, he drinks that stuff too, he calls it a Kuenssberg
and Smith. Right, my work here is done, Im off, see ye!
I watched her tail disappear under the fence and the other neighbours
decking. FFS! Right, I sighed, "wheres my shovel.